Did you grow up in a family? It is normal for the eldest son to feel displaced and even jealous. With the arrival of a new member in the family, many things will change but not the love for your firstborn, he has to know !.
An expert in child psychology shares her list of the top ten tips to avoid jealousy of older siblings facing the arrival of a new baby:
Give him the news depending on his age. The youngest (1 to 3 years) will not understand much if you tell them about the baby in early pregnancy. As your body changes, probably around the fifth or sixth month, you will have concrete evidence that there is a baby, which will make it easier to understand. However, for this age group, the child will not really understand what happens until the baby comes home with you.
Before your baby is born. You can prepare your child by giving her a doll that looks like a baby to look after her . Use your imagination and give her the opportunity to play with the “lying” baby, changing her diaper, feeding her, laying her wrist to sleep, dressing and being very soft with the baby.
Buy books that talk about brothers and a new baby. For example, the Berenstein Bears series has a book dedicated to a new baby. Books of Mercer Mayer: The Little Sister of Franklin, The New Little Sister of Francisca and The New Baby. All talk about older children relationship with newbaby
Explain to your firstborn what will happen when the time comes to give birth. For example, why Granny will stay watching over you or tell her to how you will take her to aunt’s house while Mom goes to the hospital. Or you can explain that dad or grandfather will pick him up at school. Children need to be reassured and reassured that there is a plan; that is, someone is going to take care of them while mom is having the baby. If the child can go to the hospital or maternity center it is important to tell him. If your routines are going to change, you have to prepare the child. Children can handle change as long as they are prepared.
You may also like: How to Prepare your children for another sibling
Are you leaving the diapers, the bottle or the crib ?. It is very difficult to expect a toddler to progress to the next level of development at the same time a new baby appears on the picture. In truth, you may find that your little one even backs off a bit when the baby is born. Certain milestones that have cost you a lot to achieve, such as sleeping all night can momentarily disappear when the new little brother arrives. Try to be consistent with your expectations, but do not be too strict with your child! Remember how much your life has changed (without it being your fault) with the arrival of the baby.
Maintain the older child’s routines. Regardless of how demanding it is to have a new baby at home, try to keep, as far as possible, the usual program. This shows your child that despite the disruption (both positive and negative), you value your life and interests, as well as her place in your family
Allow your older child to take an active role in the baby’s life. Of course we must emphasize that it is “soft with the baby”. But it is also important to integrate the baby into family life, which helps create a positive relationship between the baby and the baby. You will find that your baby can respond better to her brother or sister than to others. Let your older child help with feeding, bathing, or other baby care. Many times when you can not calm the baby using traditional methods, the older brothers (grimacing, singing or doing shows) do.
When a new baby arrives home, your child will feel displaced. There is no way to avoid it. Babies are very demanding and children become more demanding even when the baby is born. It is important to find times when you can be alone with your older child, times in your day or week that your child feels he has for himself. It is essential that the child has a special moment with his mother, either using the routine of reading stories for half an hour before going to sleep or going to the square to play without the baby.
Your firstborn will change his behavior.They may have tantrums for no obvious reason. They may upset the baby, seeming at first to be affectionate but actually being aggressive. It is important to place limits on your older sibling’s behavior if you feel she is acting inappropriately or dangerously. Use words that let the child know that you know it is difficult to have a baby at home, that things have changed and that she can not always get away with it (as she might have done in the past). However, it is also important to be clear with the child in the sense that this baby is not going to go! That is, you need to talk to your child about how the family has changed (for better or for worse) and that even if he has tantrums, the baby will always be there. It is important to be honest about difficult things,
Mom, now two kids
Think of your own childhood. Where were you born? Are you the youngest or the middle child? The biggest? Do you remember when your brothers were born or how your older brothers treated you? Answering these questions is very important to understanding your own style of being a mother.
You need to be aware of the feelings you have about these issues so that you are considered when dealing with your children. If you were the youngest, did your older brothers take good care of you? If you are the oldest, did you feel resentful when your younger brother was born?
The more open you are to yourself in the face of these issues, you will be better able to deal with your own children.
Good luck in your adventures as a mother!